Five Years Ago Today...And Tomorrow

Five years ago today I was very pregnant, incredibly miserable, and frustrated to the point of anger with J's command.

I was a week overdue with number 4, emotionally fragile, my van was broken down,  my mom was sick, and we were going through a massive heat wave in San Diego.  The military housing we were living in didn't have air conditioning, so it was getting over 100 degrees in the house.  I was very sore from undergoing a frightening external version at 39 weeks (which isn't usually recommended) to turn L from a breech position--a position he had been comfortable in the entire pregnancy.  I had to do it alone because J was out to sea and my parents weren't able to make it in time.  Thank the Lord for my midwife who came with me.  I was scared of the outcome, of the risk to L and to me, but I knew that I knew this was something that needed to be done.  It was the most intense pain I'd ever felt before in my entire life.  L immediately started to try and move his way back to breech, so I had to wear a giant ace bandage like thing that went from the top of my belly to the bottom of my hips to hold him head down until I went into labor.  Wearing this during the heat was not fun, as you can probably imagine.

It was Tuesday (just like this year).  My parents had already been visiting for 10 days, and they were scheduled to fly out on the following Monday.  J's schedule was so up in the air that we didn't know from one day to the next whether he'd be there for the birth (which was a planned homebirth).  I felt like that watched pot that never boils.  My emotions were all over the place and I was just DONE.

The final straw was when J called me that morning (today 5 years ago) and told me that his command informed him he was leaving on Monday for a two week underway whether I'd had the baby or not.  If you read carefully, you'll note that was the same day my parents were scheduled to leave.  I was facing a homebirth alone or giving that up and going to the hospital, but either way I was going to be alone! Whether circumstances could have changed with my parents I don't know, but my mindset at the time was I was going to be by myself come Monday with 3 kids and an impending birth.

At 10am I called my chiropractor and told her I needed to come in immediately.  She adjusted me, calmed me down, and massaged acupressure points in my feet, hands, and lower back.  By the time she stood the table back up, I was having contractions.  I drove home and went about my day, still having contractions.  J came home from work, we ate dinner--still having contractions.  We decided to take a walk after dark and they started becoming more intense.  At 10:30pm, I called my midwife to give her a heads-up and then went to bed to try and get all the sleep I could.

At 2am (or was it 3?) I had a massive contraction that instantly woke me from a dead sleep.  I got in the shower, contractions every 3 minutes, while J filled the pool downstairs.  He woke my parents to let them know.  I remember not wanting to go downstairs when the pool was filled, because I was so tired and focused, but I also remember thinking how nice the water would be when I got in!

This is where the details get fuzzy for me.  I had no concept of time or my surroundings.  I remember thinking  in fleeting thoughts that SOMEONE needed to call my midwife, since she had an hour drive, and it was the middle of the night.  I vaguely remember speaking with her on the phone, but not for very long because she was only listening for my breathing and coherency during a contraction to see how much time she had! LOL  I have no idea when she got there, I just remember opening my eyes and she was kneeling in front of me, watching.

The sun had come up.  I heard birds chirping.  I remember the phone ringing--"J's boat to see where he is", I said to myself.  My midwife asked at one point if I wanted her to check to see how dilated I was.  After awhile I consented and she said I was at an 8.  I was at the point of not being able to talk at all, but immediately thought how weird I'd never heard that number before.  How with my three previous births I stayed at 3 forever then went from 3 to baby on my chest in less than an hour.  That is due to scar tissue and other things you don't want to read about here! :-)

I was in my own little world in the pool.  I had an ear bud in one ear listening to ocean waves and J whispering in my other ear.  B and O (who woke at some point) enjoyed helping by pouring water on my belly that was too big to be completely submerged in the water.  I remember my contractions being overwhelming and it took a lot to keep under control; to not panic; to not cry.  By the time I could form the coherent thought that I was in transition, I started pushing.   The clouds had parted and I was suddenly aware of everything around me.  I was able to talk again and carry on conversations.  I pushed and pushed and pushed.  I wasn't effectively pushing, because I couldn't get into a good position.  I started to panic.  It had been an hour or more.  "Why am I having to push so long with this baby?" was my only thought. The longest I'd pushed with any of them was 30 minutes, and that was with my first!  It hurt!  Oh, it felt like...oh never mind, you don't want to read the full description, right?! LOL

I needed a break.  I wanted to be done.  I wanted him out of me.

At my midwife's suggestion I got out of the pool so that we could let gravity take over for awhile.  I wanted to try and push on the birth stool to see if that helped.  It had been well over an hour at this point, and my panic had reached a new level.  My midwife leaned over to me and said, "You are doing great.  Your baby is okay. This might be different from your other births, but this is not abnormal.  Relax, and do what your body tells you to." Then she kissed me on the cheek and sat down in front of me.  I was beginning to fear the worst and that I was going to have to transfer to the hospital.  It was like she could read my mind.  I needed those words from her at that exact moment.  I found my strength.  I found my confidence. I began to push again and made great progress in just a few minutes.  It still hurt like crazy, but I was determined.

Finally, FINALLY, my water broke and L was born into his daddy's arms in just a few more contractions at 8:58am on August 1st. My total pushing time was 2 excruciating hours. He weighed in at 9lbs 12oz.   Almost a full pound bigger than R!

L's birth was my redeeming birth.  His birth healed something inside me that was broken.  He is the miracle baby I almost never had. He is the sweet, funny, cuddle loving, smiling face that I couldn't imagine my life without.

Happy 5th Birthday, L!


This is his birth story by memory.  I wrote the original story years ago and it has many more details!