Our decision was made for us

Well, this morning J and I prayed again.  We prayed that we would go where He wanted us to go--that we are tired of trying to make a decision, and we just wanted the decision to be made for us.  We threw our hands in the air--again.  About an hour later J called me and said that the decision had been made.  I'm not going into specifics here, because it's definitely not official yet.  We won't have orders for awhile, and it's helpful to remember that nothing in the Navy is guaranteed until after it happens, but I feel like a weight has been lifted.  My headache is gone.  My twitch is gone.

It is not a place I wanted to go, but apparently it's a place where God wants us.  That doesn't make it easy, but it makes it worthwhile.

Here we go again...

J and I have been married for 16 years, and we're gearing up for our 9th military move.  NINTH.  For the 9th time we have to say goodbye, we have to uproot our family, we have to start all over again.  Only one or two of those moves have been happy ones.  More often than not we're a sad bunch for several months.    Even as I type, I'm fighting my natural instinct to pull away from everyone and everything that I love.  It's easier to say goodbye if you're not emotionally attached, right?  Only pulling away doesn't help, because I'm already emotionally attached.  I jump in head first when we move.  I immediately get involved, make friends, dig roots.  I'm sure it would be easier to move if I didn't do that, but I'd be miserable the entire time I lived somewhere.

Moving is hard.  Deciding where to move to, with what little say-so we have, is harder.  There are so many factors involved with this move:  What is the environment like for our kids?  How are the schools?  How is the football program for the high schools?  The cost of living?  What are the church options?  What kind of weather do they have?  What will J's deployment schedule be?  Will he be able to get shore duty in the same place so we don't have to move again the summer before B's senior year?  Will he miss B's graduation because he had to extend on a boat for lack of shore duty in the same place?  Then the factors for J--is the job he'd be doing going to further his career or stall it?  Is it a job he wants to do?  And this time it's a matter of which type of submarine does he want to be on.  I want to live near all my friends again, and of course that's not possible!  Where my friends are has to be the last of the equation, but I feel like I'm subconsciously picking which friends I like more.

I hate this, I really do.

It makes me a frazzled, crazy woman with a twitch and a headache.

J and I have prayed and prayed over this next set of orders.  We feel like this move is the most pivotal of his career, and yet we don't seem to be getting any answers.  Mixed signals, yes.  Doors slammed in our face when we think we've heard correctly, more than once.

If I seem out of sorts/upset/deep in thought--it's probably because I am.
If it seems like I could use a hug--I could.